Funcanlat is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, conceited newt.

Funcanlat created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Funcanlat, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Funcanlat, he will not invite you to parties.

Funcanlat's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Funcanlat's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not wear orange clothing.

4. Never sit near birds.

5. Always pray immersed in water.