Tarppakmap is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, conceited owl.

Tarppakmap created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarppakmap, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tarppakmap, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tarppakmap's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Tarppakmap's Holy Commandments

1. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never feed turnips to rats while wearing ear rings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always act with obedience when addressing children.

5. Never adorn your neck with cyan markings.