Vonkbastsawmif is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, clever cobra.

Vonkbastsawmif created the solar system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkbastsawmif, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonkbastsawmif, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Vonkbastsawmif's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Vonkbastsawmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Run away if three geese approach from the west.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near horses while wearing brown shoes.