Yarpfudfum is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, humorless ferret.

Yarpfudfum created an atom three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpfudfum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarpfudfum, he will turn you into a snail.

Yarpfudfum's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Yarpfudfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Never mention geese.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.