Gadcetortyim is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, dishonest grasshopper.

Gadcetortyim created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gadcetortyim, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gadcetortyim, it will turn you into a hamster.

Gadcetortyim's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gadcetortyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silver on your body.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Gadcetortyim in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never feed lentils to horses while wearing yellow tights.

5. Never think about optics.