Govrillfas is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic gerbil.

Govrillfas created Mount Everest four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govrillfas, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Govrillfas, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Govrillfas' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Govrillfas' Holy Commandments

1. You must love Govrillfas.

2. Govrillfas loves mice, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about dark energy.

4. Great tits are not to be trusted.

5. You must never eat rice.