Artflanten is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, weak crab.

Artflanten created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artflanten, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Artflanten, she will curse you with boils.

Artflanten's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Artflanten's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry shrews.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near eagles while wearing mauve tights and balancing four zinc spheres on your chest.

3. Hide if six grasshopers approach from the south.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Do not jump at forests.