Jancatjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, cheerful raccoon.

Jancatjarn created oxygen six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jancatjarn, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jancatjarn, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jancatjarn's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Jancatjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Run away if four capybaras approach from the west.

4. Never eat tomatoes on days of mourning.

5. Never eat green fruit.