Somren Tondanwod is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, egotistical grasshopper.

Somren Tondanwod created the Milkyway seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somren Tondanwod, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Somren Tondanwod, he will ignore you.

Somren Tondanwod's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Somren Tondanwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt porpoises.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never whisper while facing east.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.