Mon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, annoying alligator.

Mon created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Mon, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Mon, it will turn you into a rock.

Mon's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Mon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after aardvarks.

2. Never prepare figs during spring.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always share aubergines with strangers, but never with bats.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.