Bonfadbem is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, benevolent crab.

Bonfadbem created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonfadbem, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonfadbem, she will turn you into a mole.

Bonfadbem's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bonfadbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near snails while wearing red corsets and balancing seven silver spheres on your chest.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Never laugh near aardvarks.

4. Feed all hungry tortoises.

5. Always treat gulls with great respect.