Jamstafflap is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witty goblin.

Jamstafflap created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamstafflap, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jamstafflap, she will turn you into a rat.

Jamstafflap's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Jamstafflap's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never go into green rooms.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Hide if six bats approach from the west.