Vonkyamnil is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, generous warg.

Vonkyamnil created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyamnil, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Vonkyamnil, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Vonkyamnil's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Vonkyamnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Gulls are not to be trusted.

5. Never wear pink trousers.