Pakkanyik is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, caring snail.

Pakkanyik created the Sol system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakkanyik, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Pakkanyik, he will turn you into a rock.

Pakkanyik's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Pakkanyik's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

2. Never speak at dusk.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always stare at clouds.