Bedstanfem is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, generous bat.

Bedstanfem created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedstanfem, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bedstanfem, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bedstanfem's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bedstanfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never skip in spring.

3. Do not travel during autumn.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never travel toward the south during winter.