Yattnarlwot is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unfair scorpion.

Yattnarlwot created water seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattnarlwot, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yattnarlwot, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Yattnarlwot's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Yattnarlwot's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Yattnarlwot on top of important buildings.

2. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never think about dark energy near birds while wearing red stockings and balancing nine copper spheres on your face.

4. Put Yattnarlwot first in all things.

5. Never travel toward the east during autumn.