Fenpidshav is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, fast swan.

Fenpidshav created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fenpidshav, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fenpidshav, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Fenpidshav's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fenpidshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never feed carrots to horses while wearing black jumpers.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Never proclaim while facing south.