Witpogveen is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, calm aardvark.

Witpogveen created Africa six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witpogveen, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Witpogveen, she will manifest in front of you.

Witpogveen's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Witpogveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never feed lots of bananas to snails while wearing magenta dresses.

5. Do not bounce in public.