Banlargnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, pitiless whale.

Banlargnurt created a top quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Banlargnurt, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Banlargnurt, he will think nothing of it.

Banlargnurt's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Banlargnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear magenta clothing.

2. Retreat if four badgers approach from the west.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Banlargnurt loves shrews, so they must be respected.

5. Do not prepare parsnips while wearing trousers.