Kikbepjen is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, slow guinea pig.

Kikbepjen created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikbepjen, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Kikbepjen, she will turn you into a hamster.

Kikbepjen's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Kikbepjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention shrews.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Kikbepjen loves goats, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.