Kancem is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, merciful otter.

Kancem created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kancem, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kancem, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kancem's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Kancem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Kancem on top of important buildings.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never carve symbols of nebulae into wood.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.