Volxenyak is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, awe-inspiring snail.

Volxenyak created an up quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Volxenyak, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Volxenyak, it will remove you from existence.

Volxenyak's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Volxenyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow shoes.

2. Never paint your face pink.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.