Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, compassionate monkey.

Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil, it will jump up and down on your head.

Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnsigsin Stanweequeegflag Basskimgil.

3. Never feed lots of strawberries to voles while wearing fawn stockings.

4. Always help sick squirrels.

5. Never go into brown rooms.