Gofdumpark is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witty spider.

Gofdumpark created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofdumpark, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gofdumpark, it will turn you into a hamster.

Gofdumpark's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gofdumpark's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not take Gofdumpark's name in vain.

3. Never eat rice.

4. Never feed lots of aubergines to nematodes while wearing turquoise skirts.

5. Run away from indigo tapirs, for they are unholy.