Cabtadtin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless scorpion.

Cabtadtin created viruses two million years ago.

If you believe in Cabtadtin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cabtadtin, she will turn you into a tree.

Cabtadtin's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Cabtadtin's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always look after injured goats.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.