Timvonquim is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, sapient aardvark.

Timvonquim created the Sombrero Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Timvonquim, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Timvonquim, she will have a low opinion of you.

Timvonquim's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Timvonquim's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat parsnips.

2. Never think about optics near swans while wearing white boots and balancing six titanium spheres on your head.

3. Never feed rice to dogs while wearing shoes.

4. Never feed grapes to gulls while wearing fawn corsets.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.