Batdodfud Jonlarptab is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, selfish swallow.

Batdodfud Jonlarptab created the Small Magellanic Cloud four million years ago.

If you believe in Batdodfud Jonlarptab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Batdodfud Jonlarptab, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Batdodfud Jonlarptab's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Batdodfud Jonlarptab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not resist chaos.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.