Kapvilquart is a god.

He takes the form of a small, self-assured salamander.

Kapvilquart created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapvilquart, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapvilquart, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kapvilquart's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Kapvilquart's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

2. Kapvilquart loves moths, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about dark matter near otters while wearing fawn shorts and balancing four carbon spheres on your back.

4. Never point your arms toward the east during prayer.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.