Timyamrap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, effective goblin.

Timyamrap created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timyamrap, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Timyamrap, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Timyamrap's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Timyamrap's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never eat peas.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.