Sassan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, duplicitous beaver.

Sassan created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sassan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Sassan, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Sassan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Sassan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt snails.

2. Do not speak about bread.

3. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Sassan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not keep nine nematodes in a large pit.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.