Vonkquartfad is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, duplicitous duck.

Vonkquartfad created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkquartfad, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkquartfad, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Vonkquartfad's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Vonkquartfad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never run near ants.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Vonkquartfad.