Carvidtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unsympathetic giraffe.

Carvidtonk created the Sol system two billion years ago.

If you believe in Carvidtonk, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Carvidtonk, he will have a low opinion of you.

Carvidtonk's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Carvidtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near turtles while wearing orange jumpers.

5. Always share strawberries with strangers, but never with dolphins.