Staflanciss is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, wise fairy.

Staflanciss created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Staflanciss, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Staflanciss, it will laugh at you.

Staflanciss' most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Staflanciss' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Staflanciss loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not kill monkeys.

5. Erect three iron sculptures of Staflanciss on top of important buildings.