Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, conceited hippopotamus.

Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon created the Andromeda Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear skirts.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vonpodpag Kanmab Femshavmon.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never think about optics near aardvarks while wearing brown boots and balancing seven lead spheres on your arms.