Flaptonkwad is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, happy hamster.

Flaptonkwad created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flaptonkwad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flaptonkwad, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Flaptonkwad's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Flaptonkwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your feet with pink.

2. Never feed peas to frogs while wearing white dresses.

3. Never cross forests at midnight.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Do not record signs concerning moons.