Tofflymum is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, ill-tempered hedgehog.

Tofflymum created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofflymum, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tofflymum, it will torture you forever.

Tofflymum's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Tofflymum's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed lots of cherries to monkeys while wearing mauve skirts.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.