Talcatbet is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witless hummingbird.

Talcatbet created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talcatbet, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Talcatbet, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Talcatbet's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Talcatbet's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Never leap near mites.

5. Erect four silver sculptures of Talcatbet on top of important buildings.