Hivjenspag is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, boastful wasp.

Hivjenspag created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivjenspag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hivjenspag, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Hivjenspag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Hivjenspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Never feed melons to nematodes while wearing tights.

3. Always look after injured great tits.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.