Babjenlag is a god.

It takes the form of a small, stupid wombat.

Babjenlag created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Babjenlag, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Babjenlag, it will turn you into a tree.

Babjenlag's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Babjenlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention seals.

2. Never feed lots of pineapples to tortoises while wearing turquoise coats.

3. Never talk about shrews.

4. Do not speak about peas.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.