Logquartmum is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, deceitful mouse.

Logquartmum created energy two years ago.

If you believe in Logquartmum, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Logquartmum, she will turn you into a duck.

Logquartmum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Logquartmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Logquartmum.