Nilpinveenflig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, deceitful clam.

Nilpinveenflig created everything that exists twelve years ago.

If you believe in Nilpinveenflig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nilpinveenflig, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nilpinveenflig's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Nilpinveenflig's Holy Commandments

1. Nilpinveenflig loves turtles, so they must be respected.

2. Always help sick geese.

3. Nilpinveenflig loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.