Homquatfut is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, sage swan.

Homquatfut created dark matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Homquatfut, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Homquatfut, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Homquatfut's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Homquatfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always look after injured cats.

3. Feed all hungry squirrels.

4. Always help ants.

5. Never write about cell theory.