Cudtofget Paksismab is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, staggering dryad.

Cudtofget Paksismab created a Higgs boson nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cudtofget Paksismab, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cudtofget Paksismab, he will turn you into a rock.

Cudtofget Paksismab's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Cudtofget Paksismab's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Never go into brown rooms.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Cudtofget Paksismab.