Viltimsas is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witless slug.

Viltimsas created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Viltimsas, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Viltimsas, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Viltimsas' most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Viltimsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Run away from purple great tits, for they are unholy.

4. Do not travel during winter.

5. Never adorn your feet with mauve markings.