Nutzigwad is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, resourceful troll.

Nutzigwad created Africa eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nutzigwad, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nutzigwad, she will boil you in a big pot.

Nutzigwad's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Nutzigwad's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not bounce in public.