Queegfumfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent monkey.

Queegfumfarn created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queegfumfarn, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Queegfumfarn, he will turn you into a dog.

Queegfumfarn's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Queegfumfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Hide from white bats for they are unholy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Queegfumfarn.