Talgudstafrulquimruthub is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, narcissistic monkey.

Talgudstafrulquimruthub created everything that exists twelve years ago.

If you believe in Talgudstafrulquimruthub, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Talgudstafrulquimruthub, she will boil you in a big pot.

Talgudstafrulquimruthub's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Talgudstafrulquimruthub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near pigs while wearing orange trousers and balancing three gold spheres on your face.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Worship no other gods but Talgudstafrulquimruthub.