Dogmetbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, loving bear.

Dogmetbonk created a bottom quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Dogmetbonk, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dogmetbonk, he will turn you into a rock.

Dogmetbonk's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Dogmetbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never bounce near rats.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dogmetbonk.