Affunmig is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, unsympathetic eagle.

Affunmig created the planet Mars seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Affunmig, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Affunmig, it will try to impress you with trees.

Affunmig's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Affunmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Affunmig must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Always obey Affunmig's priests.

5. Never talk about special relativity.