Pidbemveg Nartbiftim is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, competent whale.

Pidbemveg Nartbiftim created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pidbemveg Nartbiftim, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Pidbemveg Nartbiftim, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Pidbemveg Nartbiftim's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Pidbemveg Nartbiftim's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Remain bowed during prayer.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pidbemveg Nartbiftim.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Do not wear iron on your body.